Daily thoughts that flood my mind. Whether jumbled or inconsistent, but my feelings none-of-the-less.
8/16/2019 A couple of weeks ago, I ranted to someone about how I think our lives are too easy and this thought continually plagues my mind as I skim through research articles about psychological health while at work. Here, I will ramble about this thought and how I believe it shapes our society. Because why not.
When I was in eighth grade, I went through a phase of reading Chris Wooding novels. Each book had such a unique twist and ending along with a dark undertone that I, to this day, occasionally think about some of his stories. The Storm Thief, in particular, stood out to me. Why is that? Well, SPOILER, but the novel is essentially about a city on this island with no escape. Every so often, a “storm” will appear where a yellow fog casts over the island and causes random things to occur. Some people can lose limbs, become ill, or in minor cases, their eye shadow color can change. No one knows what causes the storm, but at the end of the novel you learn that the city was built as a Utopia. Everything was perfect and the inhabitants led dull lives because they had no problems. That’s when this device was created. The device would create these storms to trouble the occupants so their Utopia became a Dystopia. A life without trouble was no life at all.
Think about it! People became so bored that they created a machine to make their lives miserable. Crazy, right? Well actually… it sounds about right. Throughout history man-kind fought for survival. In my opinion, the industrial revolution was one of the greatest impacts on man-kind as we invented and created new ways to make our lives easier. In less than 300 years later, we know have smartphones, explored the Moon, can see actual images of outer space. How crazy is that?! Even though our technology evolved, did we?
In my personal opinion, I don’t think the human brain evolved fast enough. I don’t think our life was meant to be luxurious. Humans thrive on chaos as we are born with the innate instinct to survive. Fight or flight. Hunt or be hunted. Etcetera. In a first world country, everything is given to us. We create some of our own problems, I dare say, we choose to make some of our own problems. We thrive off of drama and others’ dilemmas as we go about our day to day with mundane tasks.
We’ve all heard the saying, weak times breed weak men. I truly believe men and all humans were meant to struggle and fight for survival. Call me crazy, but I believe our society is too accessible and many lack a genuine struggle. I’d also argue that maybe humans were more focused on staying alive and not getting eaten by predators or dying from the plague that they didn’t have as much time to self-reflect. Sitting in silence can be punishing as one’s mind is left to venture whether it be an existential crisis or over-thinking. I believe those thoughts alone inspired the song “Car Radio”.
I ponder of something great
My lungs will fill and then deflate
They fill with fire, exhale desire
I know it’s dire my time today
I have these thoughts, so often I ought
To replace that slot with what I once bought
‘Cause somebody stole my car radio
And now I just sit in silence
Sometimes quiet is violent
I find it hard to hide it
My pride is no longer inside
It’s on my sleeve
My skin will scream reminding me of
Who I killed inside my dream
I hate this car that I’m driving
There’s no hiding for me
I’m forced to deal with what I feel
There is no distraction to mask what is real
I could pull the steering wheel
-Twenty One Pilots
Another dystopian novel I encourage reading is the Canticle of Leibowitz. A society starting from scratch is built upon a monastic order, Albertian Order of Leibowitz. I won’t spoil this book, however, I find it interesting that humans build a world from scratch a world they previously destroyed.
On that bright note, have a great Friday!
*When I say, “many lack a genuine struggle” I get a lot of crap for this comment. I am not undermining people’s struggles, I am comparing our current generation to how things were in the past. With modern medicine and technology, our lives are relatively easy in comparison.
8/14/2019 I’m revived! The Musings page is back on. Has much changed in life? Meh… Poor decisions, long hours in the office, a bottle of Cabernet at night before crying silently in the shower to avoid waking up the neighbors. I’M KIDDING. I actually needed take a breather as I started my new job and moved to another apartment. I also took down this page for a bit because I HATE when people think by reading my blog they automatically assume I’m sad or that they know so much. Reminder: I type whatever story I want. I can easily manipulate the story in my favor. That being said, my next post will be about my affair with Shawn Mendes and why Camilla Cabello hates me.
5/31/2019 I’m going to Las Vegas today and all week I have been dreading one thing, shoes. I am notorious for having incredibly sensitive feet. Heels, flats, flip flops, tennis shoes, anything can give me blisters and impair me for the better part of the night. A year ago I wore a pair of low heeled shoes and ended up covered in blisters and had to bandage my entire foot. I looked to Pinterest for ideas and found some uh… interesting feedback.
- Tape the 3rd and 4th toes on each foot together before wearing closed-toed heels for better balance
- Use panty liners in your shoes to absorb sweat
- Use K-Y Jelly to prevent chafing
Let me stop this list right here to say, can you imagine buying those three supplies at a store casually. Panty liner, K-Y lubricant, and tape. Make the cashier think a bit about your life choices at that moment.
- Soak your blistered feet in black tea to reduce infection
- Spray your feet with hairspray to avoid slipping
- Apply deodorant to your heels and sides of feet to prevent blisters
I would love to meet the person coming up with these ideas. Also if my boyfriend watched me apply deodorant to my feet and tape together my toes before leaving for work, then coming home to soak my feet in black tea… AND DECIDED TO STAY WITH ME AFTER THAT I’d question him. I would suspect my boyfriend, at that point, had some really low standards to stick around. My solution is wear comfortable shoes, but what would I know. I get bruised in flip flops.
*Disclaimer: This is dark humor. People fail to recognize this.
Being an adult sucks. I’m only 23 and I’m pretty exhausted from life. Statistically I have like like 40+ years left assuming no accidents occur. There’s no pause or reset button so life’s remote sucks. I want a remote so I can pause once a day to just nap. I suggested getting a nap room at work but that idea went out the window. Here I am promoting healthy ideas for the workplace so instead of eating away the pain of existence with the unnecessary amounts of sweets brought in, we just sleep it off. Now we are all just tired with snug pants. I’m EXHAUSTED today so read this pessimism with a humorous undertone because I’m generally in a good mood, but this lack of nap thing is getting to me.
Adulting thus far:
- Jobs – If you’re a contractor, you already know the pain. No paid holidays or vacations. No health benefits, and you’re disposable to the company. The job search is bleak. Either technician level work for High School graduates/Associate Degrees OR a full time position that’s entry level requiring a Bachelor’s and at least three years of experience. WTF. If you’re lucky you get a full time position, hope you love your career because that’ll be a part of you for 40+ years.
- Do not show negative emotions – Bottle those feelings up. No one lets you have a temper tantrum. Drinking is never an ideal alternative, just wait until no one is around and silently cry. In the shower. No one can see the tears.
- Credit score – Still trying to figure out why I need a high credit score. Don’t let it go down like your grades did in college. You already disappointed your parents once.
- Health and Hangovers – Remember the days you ate like shit and could drink an excessive amount? Hangovers only lasted half a day, the following day you were back on your feet ready to drink again. Now, you have to care about what you eat. High cholesterol and diabetes can be in your family tree. Oh and those shots you had last night? A two day hangover. Sometimes you’ll lose the ability to even drink, shout out to my Asians. One glass of wine and you can be throwing up in someone’s yard.
- The fear of dying alone – This one was suggested by a co-worker. I get it. Everyone around you is getting engaged, married, pregnant, blah blah blah. It’s even more grim knowing the wife once cheated on her spouse several times. Or you can figure out if the divorce rate is 50% who that 50% is in your group of friends/colleagues. Being single not only stresses you out but you’re family. You felt fine until you realized your eggs have a shelf life.
5/16/2019 I think it’s time I opened up. I have a major problem. I, Terra, love lists. I was just thinking about another list I’d like to make when I realized, I’ve made several entries that were list related. It’s un-healthy. I have a monthly goals list, a list of tasks for every day, a list of tasks at work, a list for shopping, lists upon lists upon lists. One time my ex/current boyfriend (complicated?) told me to make a list of things we can discuss that we were having issues with. I made a bullet point list of 11 things I had in mind. He did not make a physical list and had two things he wanted to discuss. When did I become so Type A? I have half a mind to re-do my Musings and call it “Terra’s Lists”. Shoot, I now forgot what today’s list was going to be… Will update shortly.
Update: I remember.
THE STEREOTYPES PLAGUING SOCIAL MEDIA
- “I like to hike, I play the guitar, and I love dogs” Holy crap, so many guys try to brag about liking to hike and playing some relatively easy string instrument. I can’t even pretend to find any of this impressive. Maybe learn another instrument. Like the cello or I’d be really impressed with the harp. And no, hiking will not get rid of the beer gut or lack of personality. I’m sure your dog will compensate for the lack of affection you’re receiving from women.
- A perfectly filtered pastel and light colored Instagram. I get it. You were a part of Thi Mega Tampon in college. Paying to be surrounded by friends just like you has upped your follower count. You are now ready to be the Fashion Blogger you were destined to be. If it’s not a fashion post, it’s curated photos of friends, candidly laughing with a dazzling white smile. What is your form of validation when Instagram dies?
- You love anime. You didn’t feel accepted by the norm and veered off into the realm of anime. Fluffy tails and Hot Topic is your identity now. “I’m so kawaii :3”. As a self identified otaku, it is your mission to go to every anime convention and prove you know more Japanese than your peers. If you’re not looking for your waifu, you’re looking online to order your next body pillow. Sayori from Nekopara or Yoko Littner you ask yourself.
- “I workout like 8 days a week.” If injecting Blue Raspberry pre-workout was possible, you would. Working out is healthy and should be encouraged, but it’s all about limits. My personal limit is hearing about other guys at the gym or how much someone can bench for the umpteenth time. Yes, I’m aware that you had a protein shake 10 minutes ago. Your Instagram and Snapchat story are the same image of your Blender Bottle.
5/15/2019 The Green Initiative. It’s interesting. We live in a time where we know our actions are harming the environment and we are promoting “Go Green” on social media platforms as the trend. But no one does shit. “Ban the straws!” they cry while drinking out of a plastic cup while eating their meal with plastic utensils. And I get it, there’s no way to be 100% efficient without the sacrifice of comfort. Several times I’ve visited Japan and witnessed different work environments. I volunteered at a daycare for two weeks. I went to high school for one week. The office buildings are not only pristine but I also managed not to freeze my ass off. Majority of the population opt to public transportation and trash loads for the week are significantly less per household. Recycling bins lie outside grocery stores with options for dark containers, plastic bottles, clear plastics, etc. All of this effort in the community and lifestyle contribute to low energy usage. They also live longer on average – most likely contributed to their diet which is NOT vegan.
In America, it’s weird. My dad will walk to the local gas station for an energy drink and people have commented on this – my friend’s mom was telling me how she sees my dad early in the morning out drinking beer. Which, one is illegal, and two, my dad rarely drinks beer. Wine would’ve been believable but I never claimed this woman was educated. I wasn’t judging her family for claiming bankruptcy, again, but whatever. I would often walk to my friends’ houses and I didn’t own or drive a car until I was 21. My mom recycles every little thing and we used to have a compost pile. And we’re the WEIRD ones. Little heating in the winter and little to no air conditioning in the summer. Energy efficiency right there.
Everywhere in America there’s an un-necessary amount of air conditioning. I get it, the average weight per human is significantly larger, but the human body can adapt to a 75 degree work environment, believe it or not. Studies even show a warmer work environment contributes to less errors, less tension, and a better output. Why are we still fighting in 65-70 degree rooms? I have made a small list of things people can do and stop bitching about because it’s not the Conservative party killing the Earth, it’s your lazy actions.
- USE LESS AIR CONDITIONING – I can post links showing how much energy you are wasting from this and how it’s harmful for the environment
- Get a recycling bin – just having it in your home will make you more aware
- Go for that minimalism trend – My apartment has a bed, lamp, and vintage mirror in my bedroom. The living room has a vintage table, desk, and pre-owned TV stand for the TV I don’t own. The furniture I actually bought new was a lamp and tiny bookshelf. You don’t need much to live a comfortable life and plus less is the new trend so…
- Reusable cups – My boyfriend bought my mom these Starbucks cups that are reusable and recyclable. What is truly amazing is that you get a discount when you use them at Starbucks. Genius marketing.
- For the love of god cut your soda can plastic rings. I’m honestly surprised this is still something I have to tell people.
No I’m not a “Go Green” hippie and I think the movement is a bit annoying. HOWEVER, I do acknowledge that some of these lifestyle changes leave people with a healthier mindset. Not owning an abundance of materialistic goods to fill the void of unhappiness and using less air conditioning contribute to people being less of an asshole. I really am stuck on this air conditioning thing.
5/3/2019 – I’m fine. Totally fine. Sure I’m sitting here covered in cat piss. But I’m fine. It’s funny how one week ago I felt things were fitting in to place. Lol. In just one week you get more job rejections. In one week you get in two major fights. In one week you manage to gain weight while eating significantly less as coffee is your main sustenance. And through it all, you think, I’m ok. Sure you’re napping more, it’s normal. After one 2.5 hour car ride with a cat that managed to shit in their cage, then get piss all over you, you realize, man it’s not just this week but I’ve been tired for a while. But you know what’s great about that? You can take a day to sleep. Pop some melatonin. Turn everything off. Probably shower because cat pee smells. And try again tomorrow.
5/1/2019 – Just some random life lessons I tell people.
My Rules of Life:
- Always wear nice underwear – This should be obvious. You never know when your life will unexpectedly come to an end and let’s just say the coroner does not need to see holes in your underwear. Get your shit together. Or in a more realistic scenario, you may be in chemistry class and spill a chemical on your pants. Having to quickly strip and go to the safety shower in front of the whole class would be scarring in your worst panties.
- Tone your butt – So when you’re wearing a thong and showering in front of your chemistry class because you spilled a chemical on you, your butt will be a decent view to make up for the gut wrenching embarrassment.
- Don’t be afraid to make enemies, it means you stood for something – Would you rather be colorless and unremarkable or be that ass that stood for something against the grain of sheep minded individuals who only listen to one news source (trying not to go on a political rant)
- Never get a haircut after a breakup – Potentially making yourself uglier does not make them want you back.
- Always improve diet and workout after a break up – The endorphins will block out your ex’s evil looks as you laugh with that cute boy you’ve had your eye on.
- Don’t call someone crazy – “My ex was crazy” That statement lets me know you caused them to go crazy. Maybe they went “crazy” because you lied and cheated on them.
- Have a signature scent – The scent that lingers when you’re gone and marks your territory
- Eyebrows say a lot about a person – ‘Nuff said.
- Don’t be scared to have an opinion – Colorless people end up lonely. Subtly targeting this at some people
- Karma is a major bitch – Remember that girl who bullied you and made you hate your life in sixth grade by turning your friends against you? Getting knocked up with a low paying job is karma too.
- You never truly fail unless you give up – I have never failed a test under this definition.
- Never trust someone who has never failed, you won’t know how they react when they do
- Don’t talk to crazy – I think the actual saying is “Don’t put your dick in crazy” but we like to be PG-13 here.
4/24/2019 So… it’s been a couple months since I wrote the Disappearing Act and I still get comments from readers. I was recently asked if I’m mentally stable now to which I responded, “When was I ever?” To answer most questions, yes I’m fine. Actually more than fine, I’ve been really content for a while and I’ve been so swamped with work and after-work activities that I’m back on coffee. I know, I know, I promise I can quit anytime. I swear. And moving past this awkward update, I finally have a Social Media intern I’ve been working with and am launching a new website soon! In a month’s time a new Instagram fashion page and website page will be added again. – Yes, this is an update, not a Musing, but whatever.
4/4/2019 I’m scarred. Yesterday I was having a conversation with my co-workers and learned something horrifying. My ENTIRE life I thought certain breeds of dogs didn’t have tails for medical related reasons. I thought the tail was too long for their body or it was a balance thing. Not a “humans care about aesthetic and encourage mutilation” sort of thing. Oh and the ears that stick straight up? That’s mutilation. Not some weird genetic mutation. Me and my dumbass did not comprehend that people just thought dogs looked better without a tail. With everyone going vegan and caring about the Earth and creatures on this Earth, I didn’t think this behavior would continue. But it does. If a dog is a pure bred (inbred and overpriced) and mutilated, it’s deemed more attractive and people want that. Screw the Earth and living creatures, the dog better be Instagram worthy.
3/7/2019 Over a year ago I met a guy at a bonfire who told me how he caught on fire five times. A riveting story I would never forget because it’s not often you meet people who have a knack for catching on fire. Though, if you meet them at a bonfire, my best advice would be to sit at an appropriate distance. Recently I messaged a guy on Tinder who was certain he had seen me from somewhere. A few exchanges led us to nothing, no similar classes, maybe we just passed by each other on OSU campus? His long hair and beard triggered a memory and I asked…
Me: Weird question, did you catch on fire 5 times?
Him: Yeah definitely weird question but how’d you know?!? Well more like 4 1/2 times
Me: We’ve met!! A while back at a bonfire! I remember the hair and beard!
Him: I don’t think so, I don’t remember being at a bonfire and I definitely would’ve remembered meeting you
Me: Did you not catch on fire during a Native American ceremony? I never thought I’d have this conversation with anyone
Him: Lol nope that wasn’t me. Caught myself on fire a few times but never at a Native American ceremony. I never thought anyone would ever ask that either. Firsts for both of us lol
Our conversation dwindled from there and all I can think about is, is it that easy to catch on fire? Or is it like people who attract lightening, if you’re out at the wrong time, you’re a target? Too bad experimenting this hypothesis further isn’t “ethical” – this comment is a joke. I’m starting the realize my jokes aren’t funny just more so morbid. An entertaining notion none-of-the-less.
3/5/2019 Last week I found myself back on Tinder. This time around, I wasn’t curious to find anyone, male or female – at one point I managed to mess up the settings to say I’m a male looking for a female – but just bored out of my mind. Don’t worry, the person I’ve been with knows I’ve been on the app trying to get entertaining content. I became curious about what was the best way to get the most entertaining responses, ideal photos, and how to tell where a conversation is going in about 5 exchanges. I’ll also admit, I was very curious to see what the women side was like as a female myself.
If I were a female looking for another female on Tinder I would end up perusing through mainly bisexual women, those looking to experiment, couples in need of a third partner, another female in search of potential friends, and some people who stated they had no idea what they wanted. I right swiped on some out of curiosity and let’s just say if I ended up swinging for the same team, I’d be very lonely. No one wanted to be my friend. Feelings were hurt.
Now that we got that out of the way, let’s digress on females interacting with males. I watched a Buzzfeed video a while back about some exclusive online dating website and the best photos to post. Individual. Friends. Travel. With animal companion – ideally dogs. The typical, “I have a life and am fairly attractive and enjoy hiking with a dog I’m obsessed with” profile. To me, when I see men with those profiles, my immediate thought is a regular college guy who needed a companion to always love and shower him with affection regardless of if he deserves it. Saying you like hiking and playing the guitar/ukulele does not make you “different”, it makes you a stereotype.
Keeping this Buzzfeed video in mind I posted two causal individual photos, a picture with a friend, a photo I took in Japan, and a dog licking my face to sum up “I love animals”. I’m actually allergic to dog saliva and dandruff, but they don’t need to know that. And the most important part, the description.
“Will make Spongebob references. I think I’m really funny, others will halfheartedly agree. Graduated engineer that hates math. Yes, I have a cat and draw the line at one. Not a gamer girl but will kick your ass in Mortal Kombat. Watched the Bachelor once and was very uncomfortable.”
Rather than raunchy responses from my randomly selected group, I received many Spongebob GIFS and requests to beat me in Mortal Kombat. Usually within the first five messages it’s easy to tell where someone’s mind is at. Generally if the guy doesn’t ask many questions he’s not interested and probably is more enticed with other options. That’s just my two cents.
Will write more if interesting conversations occur.