Ha! You thought this will tell you how to get over a break-up? Jokes on you, because no advice in the world can prepare you for that emotional damage. However, since I’m feeling generous, I’ll impart some wisdom on how I handle break-ups.
*Let’s make this a sad drinking game! Take a shot every time I use the word “break-up”
A while back, I watched a video on Youtube about how to get over a break-up that has stuck with me to this day–being a teenager was hard, OK. “No one likes being hurt or doing something that will hurt them. So if someone breaks up with you, they thought the pain of breaking-up with you would hurt less than staying with you.” Hearing this, changed my perception on everything. I wish I could find the link to this video, but it is forever lost in the Youtube archive.
Since then I have fine-tuned my approach to break-ups, kinda. I’m also going to take a moment to say, it’s sad that I have now developed a pattern on how to approach break-ups, but whatever. The pattern of how the break-up happens is usually the same. I begin to feel unhappy. I break-up with the person. I take them back within 3 days because I feel like I didn’t give them a chance. I remain unhappy. I self-sabotage. They break-up with me. My ego is hurt. I get over it in two weeks and move on. You would think I would’ve learned by now and by the definition of insanity, I am insane in this case. I’m not sure if I’m afraid of loneliness because I’m generally happier and more productive when I’m single, however, there is something wrong there that I don’t care to pay a therapist for.
Alright, enough about me, let’s get down to the steps on dealing with a break-up.
Terra’s Guide on How to Deal with a Break-up – Whether you were the one dumped or the one doing the dumping
- Let yourself feel – My dad gave me this advice. During my last break-up, my dad told me to let myself feel. And I did. For two days. Then I just was tired from the whole thing and moved on. But feeling is important. Go through the stages of grief, rejection, loneliness, and denial. That’s the only way you’ll be able to get over the person.
- Don’t have a rebound – Our generation is notorious for rebounds. I’m guilty for having rebounds after most relationships as well. Rebounds are selfish. There. I said it. Think about how selfish you have to be to find another person and use them to get over a previous relationship. Your next relationship deserves the best YOU and not someone trying to fill their loneliness. A healthy relationship will stem from two people who respect each other and not from selfishness. You may feel like you won the break-up because you found someone new. There is no winning, both sides lost in the end. Be thoughtful and let the other person heal, too. Moving on too fast will end up hurting every party involved.
- Throw away the memories – You’ve had time to mope. Now get out the trash bag. Trivial trinkets and small gifts are trash. Move the photos from your phone on to a computer and delete them when you’re ready. Though, if they get you expensive jewelry, like over 100 dollars, keep that shit. I can get over feelings, I cannot condone throwing away expensive gifts. I think of How I Met Your Mother, where Ted and Robin see each other’s exes instead of the actual item. I even saw my ex had failed to get rid of things from his past relationship and it stung. You can always get another painting or stuffed animal, you don’t need those anymore, they belong in the dumpster, just like your ex. That last part was a joke, I’m trying to lighten to mood. Did it work?
- Be with friends and family – Go sleepover with a friend or be with family, you’ll find that their love will fill that gaping hole in your heart more than a rebound will. Reach out to friends you haven’t seen in a while, make a point to go out, have fun! A good friend will make you feel better or be there to listen.
- Leave your ex alone – If they decided to leave you or you decided to leave them that means you should not interact. Period. Don’t be selfish wanting to keep around some pseudo-friendship because you’re not quite ready to let go. Someone will get hurt in this instance, it’s just a matter of time. Block their social media, unfollow their friends, and delete their number. It’s extreme, but they are not in your life anymore. It hurts like hell, but obsessively stalking their life to see if they moved on or are hanging out with that one guy/girl you suspect won’t make you feel any better.
- Better yourself – OK, I am a bit petty. So here is some advice on how I cope. I find a way to better myself. Typically it’s superficial, though mental health is important too. Workout, diet, do yoga, treat yo self. The hotter you look, and the more you smile, the more they will miss you. If they blocked you on everything, their friends didn’t. This is honestly how I feel like I have the upper hand in situations, and a guaranteed way your ex will want to reach out. But ignore them, they hurt you in some way. Also, NEVER GET A HAIRCUT. I will say this, do what you want to your hair, but break-up haircuts never pan out well.
- Give yourself time – You can do every step and still feel like shit. You will always need time to heal. Even after I stop caring about my ex, I still need time to heal from the trust I lost. You trusted that person not to hurt you and they did in some way. You’ll get back on your feet, eventually, with renewed vigor. In the meantime, ice cream is always an option.
At the end of the day, I won’t say break-ups are forever since if that was the case, I never would’ve been born. Keep in mind, though, you shouldn’t ever hold on to that. You chose to leave that person because you thought the pain of staying with them would be worse than the pain of leaving them. OR they thought the pain of staying with you would be worse than the pain of leaving you. Leave each other alone and let the other person heal. You want to hear from them or see if they found someone new. I get it, my ex got Tinder less than a week after breaking up with me because he claims his friends, “forced him to”. It hurts like a bitch when you find out. But think about what that says more about the other person than yourself. They were trying to numb the pain instead of letting time heal it.
You will be fine, I promise. People find love in different ways and one day, you’ll find someone you will love just as much, even if you end up getting that bad haircut.
**Please don’t use this as a drinking game. I counted the number of times I wrote “break-up”, you WILL end up with alcohol poisoning and a stomach pump.