Hello, my name is Terra

Hello, my name is Terra Williams and I have bad luck. It’s not that I have bad luck in everything, I just repeatedly find myself on the shit end with certain situations. In my defense, these problems wouldn’t have arisen if it weren’t for assholes and as a millennial I am entitled to blame others for my problems. Beyond the occasional embarrassing moments, I gravitate towards four separately annoying problems that continue to plague my life. And because of this, I am often known to have unsettling bad luck. Let’s digress on why.

The Occasional Embarrassing Moment

We all have those times where we wish we could shrivel up and hide from existence. Whether it’s by getting rejected or humiliating yourself in front of a crowd. I am not easily embarrassed but there was one time I recall wanting to just die right then and there.

At the end of my junior year of college I was determined to get a cat. I have always loved animals and found cats to be relatively easy to deal with. My friend at the time, Gumby, agreed to drive out to a farm hours away and pick up a kitten with me. Now, Gumby owned a 2000 Mustang that is flamboyantly red to catch everyone’s attention. Where I live, not many people own a convertible Mustang because in winter it snows and Mustangs are incapable of driving well in most weather conditions. I can rant for ages how this car is a piece of crap and I can’t fathom why anyone would want a car where safety is the last concern.  

I decided to pick up my cat in early May and on that day I was feeling nauseous in the passenger’s seat of Gumby’s car. It didn’t help that I was also in direct sunlight. I tried blasting the air conditioning and rolling down the windows for some wind on my face, but nothing was working. I opted to take off my pants in the driver’s seat since I was wearing boy shorts underneath my jeans, figuring no one on the highway would notice since the windows were up. No sooner than 10 minutes after driving on the highway, everything went downhill.

Gumby commented that there was something off about his car as it was driving oddly. Luckily there was a rest station about a mile away. We both figured maybe it was a flat tire. Neither of us thought to check the temperature gauge which was clearly pointed at the H for the engine was overheating. Before Gumby had a chance to pull in to the rest stop, smoke was pouring out the front of the car. We both looked at each other and as soon as he slammed the brakes, we jumped out. Remember the part where I was nauseous so I took off my pants to cool down? I was standing next to a smoking, obnoxiously red car on the highway in my underwear. I would have been way less mortified if my boy shorts were opaque, but that wasn’t the case. They were lacy and red. In direct sunlight, nothing was left to the imagination.

A car directly behind us pulled up and a man offered to help. Apparently he had several bottles of antifreeze with him and was able to help us cool down the engine. I would have thanked the guy if it wasn’t for the fact I was struggling to put my pants back on and was well aware he got a great view of well… everything. I didn’t get my cat that day and managed to lose the little amount of dignity I was struggling to maintain.

  1.     Towing and Tickets

Outside THE Ohio State campus, parking is impossible. If you manage to find an area to park, you are guaranteed to find signs listing the times and days when you can’t park there. Every second Thursday and Friday, street sweeping. Game days, good luck finding anywhere to put your car that won’t tow you. Every third Sunday of every other month, Jesus needs to park his car for service. You get the gist of it. I’ve had the pleasure of getting towed 3 times, almost towed once and ticketed twice. Even if your car is hitched to the tow truck and you’re there, they still demand money to unhitch your car. With over 600 dollars worth of forced donations, you would think I’d get several free passes to park wherever I want. But maybe I’m asking for too much

  1.     Creepy Guys

I have yet to meet a girl who doesn’t have a creepy guy story. And I am just another. Let’s break down my top unfavorable interactions. When I was 19, I met a guy at a Japanese Student Organization event. During a lunch outing, this guy admitted to be 32 years old and commenced to question me on every Facebook photo I was tagged in. At 20, I was approached by a student organization to sign a petition. I agreed, and the person who took my signature also copied my number from the ballot. After one date I was done with him, and after one date he decided he wanted a serious relationship. For two years he has tried to remain in contact with me. Oh, and he was also 9 years older. The last to make the top of the list was my TA of two semesters. My TA not only graded my homework and helped me in lab, he would also message me frequently on Facebook to go on “outings” together. Several rejections later, my TA snapped at me for being stupid and accused me of cheating. I’m nothing special, I was just stupid enough to give these people acknowledgement.

  1.     Living Situations

For three years, I have been a nomad. I haven’t quite reached the level of couch surfing every night, but I have a bag ready to go for these reasons. Though, the couches in the Engineering building were pretty comfortable to sleep on when avoiding my roommate for several months. One summer I was let down, not once, but twice when attempting to sublet. I met the first house of girls and after a simple “Hello” and “Nice to see you” it was obvious my attempts were to steal and burn down their house because two weeks later on the day of the move in I was rejected. Why? Apparently the girls were uncomfortable with me living with them for a month since I might have bad intentions. The same situation happened a week later by a Christian fellowship house, but this time no introductions were necessary for me to be rejected. Next time I’ll leave my ski mask behind to prevent people from becoming “uncomfortable” around me.

  1.     Relationships

Relationships. I am the common denominator in every relationship, but man do I choose the special ones. Dumped on the Snapchat app? Check. Dumped on Valentine’s Day? Check. Sure, I’ve dumped people in the past, but I had the decency to do it in a more personal manner. I’ve done long distance and I’ve lived with a significant other with all the same ending. I trace it back to my first boyfriend who sent me a text on the first day of high school where he dumped me because I got ugly. The new braces were apparently not for him. I won’t go into significant detail for now because more stories are soon to come.


One thought on “Hello, my name is Terra

  1. Pingback: My Cat is an Asshole and That’s Why I Love Him | T e r r a m a s u

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